Pregnancy & Kids In Second Life, and Why People Do It

Have you ever wondered how people get pregnant in Second Life and why they do it? In this blog, I will be covering it, as well as covering some other points such as misconceptions, pro's and con's.

I know this has been covered a thousand times already. But often times this can get confusing for some people. Being a physician, I find myself having to answer many questions regarding pregnancy and babies in Second Life. In regards to getting pregnant, sometimes people don't have a partner, but I'm also here to tell you that you don't even need a partner to get pregnant in Second Life, nor do you need to ask a random stranger to "knock you up". There is even adoption aside from pregnancy.

It's an uncomfortable topic for most to talk about. There is a lot of judgement and nasty comments regarding pregnancy and babies and Second Life. I know I've heard it all throughout having & adopting my 4 children. I'm not entirely sure why people feel the need to try and dictate what others do in their time and what makes them happy, but they do. This blog is all about pregnancy and babies, getting pregnant and some of the taboo topics of pregnancy, babies and family life in Second Life

I also know there are HUNDREDS of different ways to get pregnant and raise a family using many different systems, but today we're going to be discussing one way using one system when we get to that section. Also you should know that our clinic runs on Donations Only, and at anytime should you need assistance, have questions or need a physician, you can contact us!

Why Do People Have Kids in Second Life?

A lot of people ask this question. "What's the point? They're just annoying dolls! I have kids in real life, I don't need any here!" While that's great and all, there are many reasons why someone would want them in Second Life, and really, that's no ones business but their own. But here are some common reasons why people do.

DISCLAIMER: There are plenty of reasons why people choose to have children in Second Life, these ones are just common ones that I have experienced in my Second Life Career of family life. 

1. They can't have kids in real life...

Unfortunately, this is my reality. I may not have this opportunity in my first life, so I embrace it dearly in my Second Life. This is a good reason why you should not harass someone that makes the decision to have kids in Second Life; they simply may not ever have that opportunity in real life, or simply, it is too late for them.

"But why can't they just adopt in real life?!?!"

Do I really need to answer that question for you? It's simply none of your business. Some people just don't have the resources financially, physically or emotionally to adopt a child in their first life. Simply let them do what they please. They don't need to answer to you.

2. They have real life children, but they're grown...

I have friends in Second Life that happily have children in their first life. Some of their children are old enough to be in school, some of them have moved out and started their own families. A lot of them miss the infant or tiny stages of their real children, and they enjoy their Second Life babies. 

3. Role Play Community...

Another common reason someone may choose to have children is strictly for role play. This may be on an RP sim where the avatar visits an emergency room with an upset stomach and later finds out that it isn't food poisoning, but they're pregnant! Another example of role play, which is also incredibly taboo to most is the fetish community. This is not to be mistaken for people committing heinous crimes within SL, this simply means that some people in the fetish community "thrive" off of getting as many people pregnant as they possibly can (with consent of the recipient). This is not within my nature to judge people that participate in these actions, as long as it is done safely and consensual. 

4. They prefer Second Life children over Real Life children...

This seems like it doesn't make any sense, but this is something I've heard before. I've met a few people that have said they don't want kids, or may want kids in the future, but they prefer to have Second Life children as they are far less maintenance than real life children, and you don't have to smell them!  

Misconceptions About Families, Children & Pregnancy in Second Life

1. Only women like Second Life Babies...

This is simply untrue. There is a base of not only fathers that are active in the community with their partners, but there is a large community of single fathers with children. Whether it be single dads with adopted child avatars or prim babies, or fathers who had kids with a mother in their life at one point. But it is not just women who find joy in having a family. 

2. Men behind female avatars find obsession with pregnancy...

Another misconception. While it is true that some biological men in real life that play women in Second Life want to experience pregnancy, there is also nothing wrong with it and it is no different from a woman who can't get pregnant in real life. I have had patients in my clinic come in that have expressed to me that they are men in real life that were just curious how it all works, or simply just wanted to experience pregnancy. 

3. People can perform "drive by" pregnancies... 

You're probably scratching your head right now if you haven't been in Second Life for very long or you don't know much about the pregnancy or family life community. Basically what this means is back when security wasn't as strong as it is now on Second Life, there were objects & scripts that could take control of another persons avatar that would forcefully "get them pregnant" without them knowing. This may have made their avatar perform certain behaviors that resembled a pregnancy. This is similar to the illegal vampire games. However, this doesn't happen as often as it use to. 

Although, there are "add on's" for RP purposes, for example, Mama Allpa's Forced Add On which allows avatars wearing the Male Mama Allpa HUD to inseminate females on a walk-by basis without permission. But by default, this add on is not installed, and is only installed by choice of the Female HUD user.

4. You have to have a female avatar to get pregnant...

This isn't true. An avatar can have a male form or even a non binary form. Some fertility systems such as Deciduan offers a "Hermaphrodite" system where either male or female can be pregnant, or get another avatar pregnant. Otherwise, avatars just need to be wearing the Female version of a fertility HUD. You will find that some Maternity Clinics are totally fine with delivering the baby of a non-female avatar as this adds to their list of experience!

5. Babies in Second Life will die if you don't care for them...

In accordance to TOS, babies cannot and do not die within Second Life! However, some babies can become sick, but can be treated with medicine or by seeing a doctor from their manual.

6. You need a fertility HUD to get pregnant in Second Life... 

That's actually up to you! But you don't need a fertility HUD. Some people choose to RP their pregnancy completely. Fertility HUD's are basically an aid in role play to make the experience far more realistic and easier on the patient & physician. All you really need to do is have a romantic night with your partner, role play out a pregnancy test, frantically shout "I'm pregnant!" then change the shape of your belly each month up until you decide is time for your baby to arrive, then find the baby of your choice to call your own!

7. All Second Life babies are expensive...

Not all babies have costs! While some babies come with a huge costs, than other huge costs after that, some babies will come with one huge cost, then the care costs are low or free. There are also free babies on the market that come with no maintenance costs. They aren't fancy, but they're good for people that are just starting out, or can't afford the care costs but want something to snuggle with.

8. Some babies are born disabled/sick...

This actually isn't true, but I get why people say that. Sometimes you will see babies in wheel chairs, in leg braces or come with special needs. This is because the parent chose to add to the RP experience. People may ask, why would someone want a disabled child? It's not that they "want" a disabled child, sometimes the answer is as simple as disability awareness, or someone close to them in real life has a disability, or they themselves have one, and they don't want other people to be ashamed of it.

9. Adopting a child is more difficult than pregnancy...

NOT TRUE! It certainly doesn't have to be. There are multiple different ways to adopt a prim baby, and you don't need an adoption agency to do it.
You can choose the adoption agency route, you would do a land search for the brand of baby along with "adoption agency" to bring up a list of results, for example "Zooby adoption agency" to find a list of adoption agency with zooby babies. Some adoption agencies have babies that were left by parents that have set their own adoption fee, the adoption fee then goes to the parents after the adoption is complete. This seems to be the best option in addition to agencies that "buy babies" because when adoption agencies buy babies, they buy them for a cheap price, and essentially sell them for a more expensive price. This seems unethical to some.
There are also people that foster children that you can contact individually, or sometimes parents will post in parent/baby groups that they are giving their child up for adoption.
One last option is simply buying a prim baby from the original seller without the RP of a pregnancy, although this can be more expensive depending on the age of the baby, you will have a choice on your babies appearance and age if this matters to you.

10. You have to adopt a child avatar after your prim baby maxes out...

Another misconception I've heard. You do not have to do this if you don't want to. Two of my children, my biological children have already "maxed out". This means they've reached their maximum growth and development level, Like myself, some people enjoy having the privacy of their home limited to themselves, their partners and their prim babies, while some just don't have the finances or the space to support another avatar in their home. However, my own parents have done this with one of my sisters, they gave birth to her as a Zooby and when she maxed out, they adopted a Child Avatar. This is completely up to you, but you should not feel pressured to do this as adopting a child avatar comes with new responsibility.

11. Child abuse can't happen because they aren't real...

It is against the Terms of Service to engage in inappropriate, violent or sexual behavior in regards to inappropriate age play and in game interaction in general. Even if the child isn't "real", it is still deemed unacceptable according to Linden Labs, and the actions you are performing are still considered inappropriate regardless of who or what they are directed at. People have been banned from Second Life for performing heinous actions within Second Life in regards to children and there are certain requirements in regards to Prim Babies that creators and brands must follow in order to prevent these crimes.

EDIT:
12. Breastfeeding isn't a big deal...
I had to add this one in here, and I almost forgot to, because with my first baby, boy was this a shocker. Just like in real life, people are incredibly closed minded about breastfeeding in Second Life. Due to this, I ended up adding International Breastfeeding Logo's to my store to let moms know that I wont ban them, nor will I stand for harassment when it comes to feeding their crying babies. I've heard stories of mothers being banned for feeding their babies, and in my own experience, I've been yelled at by other people to stop or told to leave, because it was deemed as "inappropriate" even though they weren't on G rated sims, nor was I exposing my breasts. Mothers must be aware of this if they decide to go the breastfeeding route. People can be incredibly rude about this, yet if you didn't have a baby attached to your breast, they'd be totally fine with it!

And if you don't know it already, if it exists in real life, it exists in Second Life. 

The Joys & Disasters of Second Life Pregnancies & Children

A pregnancy in Second Life can be great, as can just having a child. It can also be a complete pain, especially to first time parents. Also, people must know that having a child doesn't always mean owning a prim baby, it can also mean adopting a Child Avatar. Some people prefer one over the other, or sometimes both. 

Pros of Second Life Pregnancies:

• Unlike real life, you decide how your pregnancy goes. You can decide how long your pregnancy lasts for, a few months, to a few weeks, even up to a few days!
• Also unlike real life, you don't even need a partner or a one night stand to become pregnant.
• Not all Maternity Clinics & Hospitals cost Lindens. 
• A lot of Maternity Centers & Hospitals give you the best RP experiences that are so comparable to real life that you wont even be able to tell the difference. 
• Like real life, you can choose how to give birth: In a hospital bed, water birth, c-section, even in your own home!
• You can make your tummy grow during your weeks of pregnancy, or simply choose not to change at all!
• Most birth centers & hospitals give you sonograms so you can see your baby, just like real life.
• Most fertility systems in Second Life are highly interactive, so you can interact with your tummy during your pregnancy, and your friends, family and partner can too!
• Some systems will also give you the full experience of a real pregnancy such as morning sickness, fetal movement, food cravings, need for prenatal vitamins, insomnia, swelling in the feet, etc.
• With most Second Life fertility systems, there are NO RISKS of miscarriage or stillborn birth. 

Pros of having children in Second Life:

• There are many different prim baby brands out on the market, hundreds that are customizable to suit the race/species and appearance of you and your partner. 
• You get to meet other parents and set play dates with your kids.
• Some parents opt out of the Prim Baby option and go straight to Baby/Child Avatars that they can find from various adoption centers.
• Some prim babies come with very little care costs, or none at all.
• Babies in Second Life NEVER DIE. Although, some babies do get sick, but can be treated.
• You don't need to be a human avatar to have a baby in Second Life. There are hundreds of Fantasy/Fur babies in Second Life such as vampires, neko's, imps, lycans, minotaurs, wolfs, and hundreds more!
• Many babies are completely interactive, holding, cuddling, feeding, changing, burping, breastfeeding, sleeping.
• Many babies learn to do new things as they get older such as sit up, grasp objects, crawl, walk, and some learn to TALK TO YOU!
• Some babies are so intelligent that when spoken to, they talk back! 
• Some babies come with their own unique personalities that differ from their siblings, so there is always something to look forward to learning about your child. 

Cons of Second Life Pregnancies: 

• Can be frustrating and confusing without proper support.
• Some Maternity Clinics & Hospitals cost thousands of Lindens. 
• Some Maternity Clinics & Hospitals have ill intent. Do some extensive research on your physicians and talk to friends and support groups about clinic recommendations. 
• Relationships do not always turn out as planned, and this often times results in an unwanted pregnancy. (I see this a lot in my clinic)
• Possibility of multiple births (twins, triplets), some people are scared off by this. 
• Some people will become annoyed with the fact that you are pregnant with no reason other than ignorance. 
• Some of the "interactive" features of pregnancy/fertility systems may come off as spam to some people. (Try selecting one that doesn't have interactive features, or simply turn them off)
• Pregnancies in Second Life require a lot of maintenance such as making sure you arrive to your scheduled appointments with your doctor, keeping your body shapes in the correct order according to your stage in pregnancy, and following the instructions of your fertility system. 
• You will have to buy maternity clothes, or clothing such as fitted mesh or standard/applier clothing that will not be affected by the shape of your growing body. If buying a mesh pregnancy belly, you will have to buy a whole new wardrobe specially designed for the mesh belly. 

Cons of having Children in Second Life:

• Some babies can be very, very costly (on average, it can cost a parent $10,000L in the first month of a SL babies first month home) 
• Regarding breastfeeding, in some instances, people have banned mothers from their SIM's for simply breastfeeding their babies. Ignorance against breastfeeding within Second Life exists.
• Some babies can become kidnapped or lost (some stores have databases set in place that prevents theft or loss of children, but not all) NEVER hand your baby over to someone you do not trust or know, and always verify who store staff is. 
• Some people have ill intent for children in Second Life. Always use your better judgment when bringing children or child like objects around other avatars. 
• People may be incredibly judgmental over the fact that you have your children with you, and may make rude comments. 
• Some babies in Second Life do in fact POOP! Don't have one if you don't like the sight of it!
• Some babies do not develop on their own, even if you do feed them and care for them without the help of development/milestone stars or vitamins. This will wrack up extra care costs on your baby bills. 
• Some babies talk in local chat, this may be considered "spam" to some people. 
• Some babies make a lot of noise like coo, babble and cry, and some of these noises can be consistent and repetitive. 

How To Get Pregnant in Second Life

Like stated before, there are many different fertility systems people can use in Second Life such as Pooterbilt, Twisting Fate, Tantra, Deciduan, Etc. But today I'm going to be discussing Mama Allpa which is what our clinic is exclusive in serving. Please keep in mind that our clinic also serves patients using Deciduan and Pooterbilt/Twisting Fate. 

Also keep in mind, we are not excluding people who are considering adoption and the trans/non binary community. 

The Essentials List:

Mama Allpa For Females  

This is what is needed to get pregnant, it should be worn at all times that you wish to attempt to get pregnant. It represents the female reproductive cycle just like in real life, it tracks menstruation, ovulation and your non fertile cycle days at a default cycle of 28 days. 

You do not need to be a female avatar to wear this HUD. If you are male, or non binary and wish to become pregnant, it is completely up to you and it is possible.

A Physician 

You can select a physician from the Mama Allpa board of certified Physicians, or, you can visit our clinic that serves Mama Allpa patients. We also run on donations. 

A Prim Baby or Baby Avatar:

If you wish to go with a baby avatar, you will need to locate one by doing a land search for an adoption agency, and visiting their panels to find the most suitable one willing to be in your family.

There are hundreds of prim baby options available on the market, you can read this article by an unrelated blogger that talks about some of the most popular prim babies available and their costs. 

You will also need to purchase the care items that are required in their care manual such as diapers, formula, development vitamins and furniture items. Keep in mind that not all babies have care costs. We also carry a FREE prim baby fat pack affiliate vendor in our store for people that can't afford a premium prim baby. They're not fancy, but they're great to start out with and they require no maintenance. 

OPTIONAL'S LIST:

• A pregnancy shape set (here is an example of what to buy)
• A partner using the Mama Allpa for Male
• Maternity clothing, interactive tools like a tummy talker

You should first read through the Mama Allpa Manual before getting started. This will tell you everything you need to know and how to operate the HUD. If you are wanting to get pregnant without the help of a partner, you can find a physician from the Mama Allpa Board of Certified Physicians by describing that you would like to get pregnant without the help of a partner, or you can contact us and our clinic and we can help you. 

If you are getting pregnant with the assistance of a partner, you should be wearing your Female HUD at all times, and your partner must be wearing the Male HUD when trying to conceive with you. 

Keep in mind, the best chances of conception are during your fertile days of your cycle, which the Mama Allpa HUD will turn "Pink" to indicate fertility. "Red" will indicate menstruation while "White" indicates neither fertile, ovulating or pregnant. 

During your fertile peak, this is when you and your partner should try and conceive. Read the manual to learn how to partner up using the HUD with your partner, then the RP of conception is totally up to you! It will then be up to your partner to inseminate you on your fertile days in order to achieve a successful pregnancy. 

What To Expect:

When you have reached Day 25 of your cycle, this is when you can visit a doctors office to take a pregnancy test to get an accurate result. If you decide not to take a pregnancy test, after Day 28, your HUD will turn "Green" indicating that you are in fact pregnant. If you are not pregnant, your cycle will start back at Day 1. 

When pregnant, you will set your first appointment with your physician and he/she will ask questions about how you are feeling, take your weight and vitals, perform a physical examination and may perform an ultrasound. You will begin to gain a relationship with your physician and he/she will be able to answer any questions you may have. Your physician will also give you a due date and set further appointments to track your babies progress, and also set up a birth plan with you and how you plan to give birth.

Come your due date, your physician will have already established a birth plan with you. He/she will prepare the delivery room for you, and there may be more than one staff member in the room with them. You may be allowed more than one guest at a time depending on the clinic rules. When it is time to push, your physician will guide you through the entire process, and if your partner is present, they will be able to support you up close. When your baby is born, they may give you a list of further instructions and after care and may offer vaccinations and pediatric care. They might also offer birth certificates, foot printing, parenting classes, baby yoga, etc. 

Every physician and clinic is different, and every pregnancy, birth and family life experience in Second Life is unique! But for every avatar, there is always a purpose :)